Dear Blank

[galtuesday]

Dear Lady-Who-Is-New-In-Town,

Yes, I do have two laptops because one of my clients doesn't use Mac, and, no I don't mind if you use one to log into your online banking, because I am a nice person. That, however, did not mean that you could also edit your resume, ask me how to spell "Oregon" ask me to edit your resume, and spend twenty minutes on the phone with your bank's customer service so they could help you log on to the website...

I have two questions: (1) since when am I the type of person who looks that approachable that you could just walk right up to me in the coffee shop and ask to use my computer, and (2) can I give you directions to the library?

Seriously, I am totally ok helping out a new-to-town kind of lost person, but I do have my limits.

Sincerely,

The Reluctant Welcome Wagon Who Really Needs to Either Work at Home or Find an Office Space so People Stop Bugging Her in Coffee Shops

[epowers816]

Dear Apple Wine,
If you didn't taste so damn good, I might drink an entire bottle of you in one sitting. I'm just saying...

Love,
Erin

[idge11]

Dear sir that should come to fix my roof,

Please, shake the dust off you and come to me !
I would not bother you, but as it continues to rain in my bedroom can you kindly raise your butt and come here .

With all my love.

P.S. Bring with you a canoe, I'm drowning.

[zipthistle]

Dear Monumental Cupcakes:

That was NOT a red velvet cupcake. It was just red. Such trickery!!

Zip

[Branduin]

Dear Mom,

Okay, lets talk about the state of the tupperware. We have lids to tupperware we have not owned in years. We have tupperware whose lids we have not owned in years. We have tupperware whose lids are so cracked it sort of defeats the point of using a lid in the first place, and we have tupperware that is so stained/dented/melted/sticky that we probably should have gotten rid of it a long time ago. We have old take-out containers that really weren't meant to be used more than once, and plastic tubs from things like butter and soup which are nice and thrifty but really confuse me when I'm actually looking in the fridge for butter and soup. We are taking a family trip to Hawaii. I think we can afford functional tupperware. Don't you?

-B

[lookingout86]

Dear General Internal Medicine Group front office staff,

I don't need any of your sassy attitudes when I'm trying to schedule an appointment for a somewhat embarrassing issue. This is your job; be professional. It's a good thing the doctors here are good, because if it were just you guys, nobody would give you any business and you'd all be out of jobs.

Sincerely,

Patient who is going to try really hard not to smack you in the face tomorrow when she checks in for her appointment

[PJ]

blah

[lookingout86]

Dear former roommate who made my life miserable,

The only reason I responded politely to your birthday message is because I didn't feel the need to burn any bridges. It definitely did not mean that I want to be best friends. Or friends at all, for that matter. Therefore, please stop e-mailing me funny pictures and updates about your life all day long. It would be much appreciated.

--Alyssa

P.S. How on earth did YOU get employee of the month?? There's something seriously wrong with that office.

[pisquita]

Dear UPC email maintenance team,

Fix that shit up!! NOW!!

Pissed off student.

[zipthistle]

Dear Grocery store sacker:

If I wanted my produce to be in plastic bags, I would have put it in plastic bags.

Zip

[lookingout86]

Dear downstairs neighbors,

Will you please, PLEASE get back from vacation already? I really do not enjoy being woken up at 5:00 AM every morning by your stupid alarm clock which you forgot to turn off. And tomorrow's Saturday. I have half a mind to leave a nasty note under your door, but I am going to try my very hardest to take the high road. But seriously. NOT COOL.

-- Your sleep-deprived upstairs neighbor

[pisquita]

Dear guy from the concert (Ismael?)

Thank you for protecting me during the mosh pit through out the entire concert, otherwise I would be in a lot worst shape that I am right now.

grateful GD fan

[Stephanie]

Dear Kat,

Where the hell were you last night? You said we would be able to talk on aim during Grey's like we always do, but this is the second week in a row that you ditched me. I haven't seen you in months, your four hours away from me, and I really need to talk to my best friend. You sure picked a wonderful time to ignore me.

Hopefully not forgotten,

Steph

[lookingout86]

Dear Self,

For the love of God, please remember to drink more water the next time you go to a house party. This headache is your own darn fault.

Sincerely,

Me

[pisquita]

Dear Samanta,

You suck! you really really suck, I didn't like you before now I like even less!

[Mis]

Dear Clothes Dryer,

Really? You had to break now, the day before 2 huge client meetings? Not impressed. I called the dryer proctologist, so get ready, bub.

Soggily Yours,
Mis

[falling*out]

Dear D.G.,

We don't really know each other that well, so it kinda freaks me out when you start chatting w/ me on fb. I hope you're not starting the conversations because you're interested in me, cuz that really wouldn't work. And you're a really nice, innocent, guy. So, I hope you're doing all this stuff in the hopes of just being friends. That is what I'm hoping for.

- Celeste

[lookingout86]

Dear E.,

Did you really think that after you abruptly and inexplicably stopped responding to my e-mails just when I was starting to fall for you, you could come back 9 months later without any real explanation and ask to start things back up again? Nope. Sorry! You had your chance.

Moved on ages ago,

Me

[Stephanie]

Dear president of the WSU Paralegal Association,

I still haven't gotten an e-mail about upcoming meetings. At the beginning of the semester you told me I was added to the association's e-mail list, but then I got nothing for about a month and a half. I then talked to you IN PERSON at the club fair, gave you my e-mail AGAIN, and was told AGAIN that I would be contacted about the next meeting. And guess what? No e-mail! I would tell you to go to hell, only I need the resources of this club

Pissed and angry,

Stephanie

[llaura]

^^^Do you think he might be related to Mel's thesis supervisor?

[starkicker]

Maybe... he hasn't contacted me in a while either -- no surprise there.

[sparrow]

Dear recently-unsingle friends,

You're killing me here! Just because you've been dating a boy for 3 weeks doesn't mean you should: a.) cancel our standing Friday night plans, b.) make it "facebook official", c.) move in together, d.) get to the finish line on the first date, e.) all of the above, in any order.

No, gf and I will not go on a double date with you.

Come back?
Me.

[lookingout86]

Dear Law & Order: SVU marathons,

I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Please don't ever leave me.

Yours forever,

Alyssa

[starkicker]

Dear Law & Order: SVU marathons,

I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Please don't ever leave me.

Yours forever,

Alyssa

Dear Alyssa,

Have you considered hosting your own SVU Marathons?

Sincerely,

A fan of SVU

[pisquita]

Dear self,
Don't ever, go online on msn, ever again, just stay offline

me